Do you ever reach a point in life where everything is going well – career, family, stability and yet a quiet question keeps returning “Is this all there is?”
That morning I was sitting at my dining table with a cup of tea, looking out through the large glass window from where I had a view of the houses that were on the other side of the front road. My house is on a small hill. I could see the cars parked in driveways and some on the side road. The morning school run was over and there were not many people to be seen on the road. This was the time after 9am when people either were at their workplaces or the ones that stay at home as they are retired, or are stay at home parents or like me who work from home are back home after doing their morning chores.
I was having my morning tea with no distractions as kids were at school and my husband had left for work. I did a couple of work meetings in my early morning with APAC teams as I work in a global firm and operate flexibly to align with various time zones. This is my quiet ‘me’ time before I need to prepare lunch for the family and start working again in my afternoon when the western world wakes up.
I have various thoughts when I am on my own with nothing waiting to be done immediately. One of my thoughts that keeps coming back is the question I have regularly about the ‘purpose of life’.
I am a structured and driven woman who always had a plan. Since childhood I always knew what I was to do next. I went through school life, then did a degree, got a job, moved to a different country, got married and had kids. I have a busy professional life, have 2 kids who need to be looked after and I have a house to run so there is a lot to keep me occupied but I keep coming back to this question about purpose of life.
I want to understand after doing what society expects us to do – study, have a career, have a family – what next are we expected to do, what are we supposed to do. Once one is ‘settled’ in life and has had kids, what should they aim to do? Professional growth, raising children, running a house are the duties that will continue to go for a while but after doing these for a good number of years these become part of life and happen on almost auto mode. Have you ever asked yourself this question? What comes after we achieve the milestones society sets for us?
Whenever I have had these thoughts I have gone and done something about it. When this question popped in my head for the first time my immediate thought was to ask my friends and colleagues. Many times I got half baked responses which made me think that quite a lot of them had not yet thought about life in that perspective. Some had more refined replies. One convincing answer I got was we are here to give birth and continue humankind, bring another human in this world and raise them to be a decent next generation citizen.
My father has been a continuous motivation and guide in my life since childhood. I approached my father with this question. My father is more than 75 years old now but is quite active. He does voluntary work helping many, supports extended family members, goes on spiritual and health retreats regularly, does house chores. He is a deep thinker and reads books to learn about the spiritual side of life. Currently he is reading about life after death. My father had a very simple answer. For him the purpose of life is to live by his values every day, live life in a way where there are no regrets at the end. Remind yourself of your values each day and make sure when you sleep at night you don’t have any guilt.
Some of my well wishers who were into more practical solutions told me I need to make friends outside of my regular group. I should try out new activities. Maybe this is the continuity of the same life that’s making me ask this question. I should try to explore new aspects of life which bring a new perspective. Driven by the thought, I tried out joining various hiking groups. I joined a hiking group of a younger set of people who were new to the country. They were all quite enthusiastic and always planning to do something new. I joined another group that were born and brought up in the country I lived in, so they were more settled and hiking was their way of meeting new friends, making new connections. I approached all these people and the activities with an open mind and a perspective of learning, understanding what I can pick up from them. This went on for almost a year. I enjoyed the walks but my overall take away from this experience was that many of them were in these groups for reasons that didn’t match my needs. Some were looking for partners, some had no kids so they were taking up these activities to spend their free time in a healthy way. This was a good distraction but the experiment didn’t answer my core question. Have you ever tried something new hoping it would answer a deeper question — only to realize it was just a diversion?
I am born in a Hindu family but I am not religious. I don’t tie myself to one religion but I do believe in a supreme power God. While growing up I studied Indian philosophical texts Ramayana, Mahabharata and Geeta. I understand Hindu history and philosophy. I also have studied Buddhism. My curiosity to find the answer to purpose of life took me to study Jehovah (Jehovah’s Witnesses are a Christian religious group that believes using God’s personal name Jehovah is central to true worship. They emerged in the late 19th century in the United States). Jehovah witnesses used to knock at my door quite often. One day it struck to me that I have been shutting away an opportunity to learn because its not my ‘thing’ but what if it is. That ‘what if’ led me studying Jehovah for almost a year. The journey started with me asking many challenging questions to start to understand the thought process to what the ultimate messaging of Jehovah was. At the end after much assessment, and the effort of alignment to the Jehovah messaging, I decided that it was not my path.
To try out something spiritual I started following a ‘spiritual guru’. He is not the traditional guru but someone who is more aligned to my belief system and is ‘modern’ in his thought process. My guru is a person who did an MBA, worked in the Corporate sector before pursuing his spiritual journey. He shares his teachings through joyshops, youth programs, corporate training and meditation retreats worldwide. I joined Nithya Shanti. I have attended many of Nithya’s sessions. I have read his book. Nithya addresses the topic of purpose of life in his book. His answer is the most elaborate answer I have found so far. Some of the ways Nithya recommends to follow are –
- Ask yourself meaningful questions: Explore what matters most to you. Questions like “Who am I?”, “What do I value most?”, and “When do I feel fulfilled?” can provide clarity.
- Identify your core values and passions: Pay attention to activities that bring you joy or skills that come naturally to you. Your gifts and abilities are often connected to the things that make you happy.
- Practice self-awareness: Be kind and patient with yourself as you navigate these questions. The more honest you can be, the sooner you’ll gain insight.
- Use meditation and mindfulness: Practices like meditation can help you quiet your mind, gain clarity, and connect with your inner wisdom.
Maybe I have to keep trying through things until I see my calling. My quest will continue and I will find other ways of experimenting this thought during one of my chai sessions.
In the meantime I am trying out writing and I am writing this piece as part of my new trial. Lets see if I discover this is my purpose?
What I love about my journey is that I can gently lift a question like this out of the noise of everyday life and almost play with it. Life continues while somewhere in parallel, I’m quietly searching for an answer. And who knows may be the journey of looking is the purpose I’ve been trying to find all along!
What has helped you discover meaning in your life? I would love to hear your thoughts.
PS: I asked AI to analyse this post. Listen to this here. The output exceeded my expectations!
